Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Hi Mommy and Daddy!!!

It was exactly 4 Mondays ago that my life was perfect.... and the last time my life was perfect.

Rewind 5 days earlier... It was our 20 week ultrasound, and we were so excited to get to see our little lady. She still hadn't been 100% confirmed as our baby girl, but I knew. I was nervous because despite being on bed rest for the last month, I was still bleeding... A lot. But to mine and Sam's relief, she looked perfect and the ultrasound tech had nothing but great things to say regarding Olivia. 12oz, 10" long, 10 fingers, 10 toes.. she was being a bit shy so still only 90% sure she was our girl. I had felt so much relief.. we were half way there. I could finally breath and enjoy the pregnancy. That was until my doctor said the words.. "unfortunately...". They had discovered that my blood clot that started out as "nothing serious", had grown to be 9cm (3.5"). She said I was going to be on bed rest the rest of my pregnancy, and most likely be hospitalized after 24 weeks. I tried to brush it off as just a bump in the road. I thought Olivia wouldn't make it this far for things to fail now. If I only knew then what I know now, I would have asked more questions, I would have demanded more answers. We left feeling optimistic and thankful that everything with Olivia was perfect... 

 20 week Ultrasound - It looked like she was giving her mommy kisses...

Fast forward back to Monday..

The day had been great! The bleeding had stopped, I hadn't had any morning sickness the previous week. We were making plans to go register and start planning for the arrival of our Olivia Marie. We were both so happy. I remember not really being able to get to sleep that night, Olivia was giving her mommy quiet the beating. In fact, I was talking to a friend saying I couldn't believe how much she was moving! We made plans to meet up that next day and I couldn't wait to tell her all about Olivia.

I laid in bed that night with Sam, listening to her heart beat with our home doppler and trying to move his hand around my tummy to feel her kicks. I was saying, "she's trying to say hi Mommy and Daddy!!". I wasn't showing too much yet and thought, "next week you will feel them for sure!" I felt so much love for her, I was so excited. I put the doppler away and decided I should get some sleep. I was just about to doze off when I suddenly felt sick. This wasn't rare, I was sick often during my pregnancy, but never at night. I got up to go to the bathroom.. But nothing happened. I thought maybe she just hit my stomach weird.. And went back to bed. I was so happy... I didn't know that those would be the last kicks I felt from my daughter. I didn't know that in less than 8 hours my world would come to a complete standstill....

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